Lacrimoso

Okay, so Lacrimoso. That means sad. And that's really how I'm feeling today, which is such a shame because today was supposed to be a really super duper awesome day.

Alright. Here we go.

It started off really good. I got up at five, ate some oatmeal, did my devotions, and hopped on the bus to get me to school to write my FINAL final exam.

(Remember how scrammed in, crammed in, crushed, and rushed everything seemed? Yah, well, it doesn't feel like that anymore. And I really love it! I mean, LOVE University. It's something that I feel like I WOULD let characterize the rest of my life if I could. Anyway! That's totally besides the point.)

I got to my school, sat down, ate some veggies, and threw in some last minute studying. I was READY for this exam, ready to totally destroy it! And here's the part where you're expecting me to say that I walked into that test and it was terrible, end of sorry, Lacrimoso.

Not quite.

I got into the exam and was BUZZING because I was totally ready to take that thing by the horns, and get it over with! My FINAL final. I was so ready for it! And it was set down in front of me, and the first question was kind of weird. But half an hour later I was finished my two hour test, and I wasn't sure what to do. So I read it over, and then handed it in. I feel pretty good about it.

I then meandered over to the bookstore, and searched through the textbooks to find a couple of the ones that I need for my courses next semester. Lo and behold I managed to get one USED which means that it's cheaper! I was thrilled. I only spent a hundred and seventeen dollars for four textbooks! I couldn't have been much happier, except maybe if I had gotten them for free.

From there, I hopped on the bus to the mall that my friend works at, and I bought her Christmas present without her even knowing! Then I found myself in the drugstore where I got a steal of a deal for some bright red lipstick!

Whoa wait, bright red lipstick? That doesn't sound very flattering, nor very Trumpet like, you must be thinking to yourself. It's not, I agree, but that's not why I bought it. Different story for a different time.

I went over to the coffee place where my friend works and she gave me a FREE Chai Tea Latte. Over the moon excited was I! I hung around until her lunch break, and we checked out a couple stores in the mall before deciding that we were going to get together for a pre-Christmas "Christmas dinner" after she was done her shift.

So--where's Lacrimoso coming from then? It sounds like a fabulous day!

Yes, well it was pretty fabulous for the first little portion. Like I said. But then, things started to happen. And they weren't terrible things. Not the direction to play Lacrimoso for sure, not unless I'm a baby who can't handle the heat. Erm--well--snow.

See, I got stuck waiting outside for like twenty minutes in the snow! And it was cold, but I was fine. Then I missed my other bus and had to walk home for twenty minutes in the snow. And that was cold too. But again, besides my nose dripping like a faucet, I was fine.

I even bought my sister a purple headband while I was out, and I got to give it to her, and that was nice! She was happy, and I was happy. Then I set up my workout, and worked out pretty hard! And then I got ready to go visit my friend.

Except wait, she says, she had to babysit. And we couldn't get together unless I went over to her house while she babysat, and that always seems kind of not cool to me. I shouldn't be distracting the babysitter. I feel like I'm making an irresponsible decision if I do that.

But not a HUGE deal. Sort of sad. Slightly Lacrimoso. But whatever. I just used it as my resolve to have an even bigger, even better get together with my friend after Christmas. (You see, I'm leaving for the Christmas holidays, which is pretty exciting in and of itself.)

Alright Trumpet Player. You're beating around the bush here. You're telling me that you're playing your poor me, pity party, Lacrimoso song, and everything is "no big deal"? What is making you Lacrimoso.

Alright, you twisted my arm. I'll tell you.

My parents have been fighting, a lot, lately. And when I say fight I don't mean that they're playfully bantering about leaving the toilet seat up, or legitimately getting mad about the dishes not being put away. I'm talking about anger, through and through. The words "divorce" get thrown around, or at least, implied. Last night at the supper table was miserable, and today, round two.

The thing is, they're not angry people, nor are they abusive. They aren't the kind of people who like to yell, or fight, or swear, or any of those kinds of things. You wouldn't find them in a bar fight is what I'm saying. But I haven't been able to tell who they are lately. It's really scary. And there's this issue, one I don't really feel like coming out loud any telling you straight up (because when do I ever really tell you anything straight up anyway?). I'm just going to call it the issue of faulty instruments.

So there are these faulty instruments, okay? And the people that play them aren't so bad, they just have these instruments that don't seem to want to play properly. And if my parents are the conductors, then the conductors have been trying to make these instruments work. But these conductors, they're not necessarily instrument repair people okay? Not bad people, but not made to deal with the problems that these instruments pose. It's not just that the Trumpet Valves are sticking, or that the Reeds are cracked. No, there's issues with the mechanics of the thing. Things are bent, holes aren't being covered properly. It makes it really hard for us family band to play properly. And lately everything has just been coming out angry, or in my case, Lacrimoso.

My Dad, he's a good conductor, but he's not the one who likes to try and fix instruments. That's my Mom. And so she does her best to fix these instruments, and when she can't, she gets frustrated. And then she gets mad at her co-conductor for not helping her fix the instruments that these other band members are playing. And everything just sounds bad. The conductors are too busy trying to fix the instruments that they aren't conducting in a manner that would be conducive for the rest of us band members to play.

And this isn't the cosmic band of life, where everyone is an instrument, this is our tiny quartet (except I guess it's a quartet of seven--however that works) of family. My family quartet. Septet.

Are you kind of following my train of thought here? Like--you don't have to understand what these broken instruments mean or whatever, but just understand that something isn't right, and it's causing lots of strain in my Septet. And that's making me Lacrimoso. And Stressed-i-moso. (I just made that up in case you weren't quite sure.)

And things are supposed to be so exciting right now! But they're not. Instead, people are angry, conductors are fighting, band members are being treated poorly, instruments are copping out. Everything is in shambles! We sound terrible! No one wants anything to do with this Septet, or our performances because we're terribly out of tune. With each other, with God. It's so hard to deal with! And I'm not exempt. My song isn't sounding the best. And I'd be lying if I said that I didn't get mad at those band members who have messed up instruments. I'm angry that they don't try and fix it. I'm frustrated and don't quite act the way I should. And sometimes I feel like if only we had different band members. If only we were a quartet. Maybe a pentatet. Maybe thing would be better.

I don't know how to fix the instruments, but I know who can! God can. He's the instrument repair guy. He's the go-to for every screw up. And yet, I don't know how to get those instruments to the repair guy.

I just wish things were simpler. I wish I knew what was going on. I wish I was a better person, one that could figure out the answer to this mess and who would be able to bring the suggestion to the conductors. But I can't. So I let them duke it out. And I wonder to myself, how long we're going to last.

I can't help but feeling that this Septet is going to be a very Lacrimoso solo soon.

I don't want to speak that into my life, I don't want to speak that over my family, I just want results. I pray for peace. The Shalom kind of peace. All encompassing, every facet of life kind of peace. I want that for our little Septet.

Please God. Help.

--Trumpet Player